Apparently it’s Hallowe’en this month?? Again?? Here are some independent women that the patriarchy just couldn’t handle… awards based on badness and relevance to Beyonce songs.
10. Horned witch. I dig the horned coif, this witch is fierce. Pat your weave, ladies (carefully because it’s sharp)!
A horned witch, (oil on canvas), French School, (18th century) / Private Collection / Archives Charmet / Bridgeman Images
9. Circe: best Freakum Dress
Circe, 1881, Hermans, Charles (1839-1924) / Private Collection / Photo © Christie’s Images / Bridgeman Images
8. Brujas. These honeys are making money with their shop full of creepy stuff. Where else can you buy hard candy and a stuffed… fox?
Women Selling Offerings Used in Ancient Inca Rites, La Paz Department, Bolivia (photo), . / Peter Langer/Design Pics/UIG / Bridgeman Images
7. La carcasse. This witch has the most badass transport for sure. Can you pay her automobills? Thought not.
La Carcasse : A Witch Being Drawn On The Skeleton Of A Monster, pre c.1620 (oil on copper), Ribera, Jusepe de (c.1590-1652) / Apsley House, The Wellington Museum, London, UK / © Historic England / Bridgeman Images
6. Aoife. Ugh I hate this witch but I have to admit she’s pretty badass. A proper wicked stepmother – her sister married Lir, had four children and died, so she married him and turned the children into swans. Most dangerously in love.
“Instead of the four children what did she behold” (from the Children of Lir) (colour litho), Theaker, Harry George (1873-1954) / Private Collection / Bridgeman Images
5. Malle Babbe, The Witch of Haarlem. She been drinkin’.
Malle Babbe (Witch of Haarlem), 1633-1635 (oil on canvas), Hals, Frans (1582/3-1666) / De Agostini Picture Library / Bridgeman Images
4. Professor McGonagall. Keeps her head in them books, she’s sharp.
Maggie Smith in ‘Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets’, 2002 (photo), . / Bridgeman Images
3. Circe, again: best interior. In her penthouse half-naked; she cooked this meal for you naked.
Circe, c.1889 (oil on canvas), Barker, Wright (1864-1941) / © Bradford Art Galleries and Museums, West Yorkshire, UK / Bridgeman Images
See also: Circe Invidiosa. Circe and Scylla liked the same guy, so Circe turned Scylla into a hideous tentacled sea monster. Ring the alarm, she been through this too long, and she be damned if she see another chick on your arm.
Circe Invidiosa, 1892 (oil on canvas), Waterhouse, John William (1849-1917) / Art Gallery of South Australia, Adelaide, Australia / Bridgeman Images
2. Baba Yaga. The female version of a hustler; flies around the woods in a mortar, carrying / steering with? a pestle. Her house has the legs of a chicken. Also she has iron grills and will chew you up. Takes it to another level, no passengers on her plane (mortar).
The Baba Yaga, 1942 (pen & ink on paper), Nowak-Njechornski, Mercin (Martin Nowak-Neumann or Neumann-Nechern) (1900-90) / Bridgeman Images
1. Dulle Griet. Led an all-female peasant army in a raid on hell*, and has a medieval >SUPERGUN< named after her. Flawless; woke up like this.
Dulle Griet (Mad Meg) raiding Hell (oil on panel) by Ryckaert, David III (1612-61); 47.5×63 cm; Kunsthistorisches Museum, Vienna, Austria
*allegedly
Others who didn’t make the top ten but might still release a catchy gospel hit featuring the actual winners: bad witches lightbox
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