BUR17327 The Cruel Sister, 1851 (oil on canvas) by Faed, John (1820-1902); 122x87.6 cm; © Bury Art Gallery and Museum, Lancashire, UK; (add.info.: scene from 'Minstrelsy of the Scottish Border' by Sir Walter Scott;); Scottish,  out of copyright

8 Reasons to HATE Valentine’s Day

Here comes the overly commercialized, pressure-laden holiday we all love to hate. There are many reasons to dread the annual, bright-pink festival of sap so let’s commiserate! 

If you are a woman…

Reason #1: You can’t moan about it. If you are single, then people assume you are a spinster with two cats. If you are in a relationship, people assume you’ve hit a rough patch.

Left: Phone Call/ Robert Burkall Marsh Right: The First Cloud, c.1887/ Sir William Quiller Orchardson
Left: Phone Call/ Robert Burkall Marsh
Right: The First Cloud, c.1887/ Sir William Quiller Orchardson

Reason #2: Cringeworthy poetry

Left: Victorian Valentine Card / Cheltenham Art Gallery & Museums Right: The Language of Letters, 1931/ Herbert Bayer
Left: Victorian Valentine Card / Cheltenham Art Gallery & Museums
Right: The Language of Letters, 1931/ Herbert Bayer

Reason #3: You feel undue pressure to lose weight, especially if there’s a chance he’ll buy you lingerie.

Advertisement for 'Kino' underwear, c.1950
Advertisement for ‘Kino’ underwear, c.1950

Reason #4:  All displays of perfect coupledom serve only to reinforce the sneaking suspicion that everyone else is far more in love and having twice as much fun as you.

Left: The Cruel Sister, 1851/ John Faed Right: Lovers, from the 'Science of Erotics', 'the Kama-Sutra'/ Himachal Pradesh
Left: The Cruel Sister, 1851/ John Faed
Right: Lovers, from the ‘Science of Erotics’, ‘the Kama-Sutra’/ Himachal Pradesh

If you are a man…

Reason #5: You feel undue pressure to be the perfect prince charming, which includes having to recite the aforementioned cringeworthy poetry

La Belle Dame Sans Merci/ Sir Frank Dicksee/ Bristol Museum and Art Gallery
La Belle Dame Sans Merci/ Sir Frank Dicksee/ Bristol Museum and Art Gallery

Reason #6:  Fear that women have a singular focus this time of year, and that she is already making plans for your future life together in complete wedded bliss.

A Gipsying Party Returning Home Through a Storm,/ Thomas McLean
A Gipsying Party Returning Home Through a Storm,/ Thomas McLean

Reason #7:  You have to shell out tons of money to buy cliche tokens of affection that never quite hit the mark.

Hatstand, 1969 (detail) / Allen Jones/ Ludwig Forum fur Internationale Kunst, Aachen, Germany
Hatstand, 1969 (detail) / Allen Jones/ Ludwig Forum fur Internationale Kunst, Aachen, Germany

Reason #8:  Forget to do anything about it and you’re history!

Left: Woman Screaming/ Jan Hardisty Right: Judith/ Mario Balassi(1604-67)/ Musee des Beaux-Arts
Left: Woman Screaming/ Jan Hardisty
Right: Judith/ Mario Balassi(1604-67)/ Musee des Beaux-Arts

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