Apparently it’s Hallowe’en this month?? Again?? Here are some independent women that the patriarchy just couldn’t handle… awards based on badness and relevance to Beyonce songs.
10. Horned witch. I dig the horned coif, this witch is fierce. Pat your weave, ladies (carefully because it’s sharp)!
9. Circe: best Freakum Dress
8. Brujas. These honeys are making money with their shop full of creepy stuff. Where else can you buy hard candy and a stuffed… fox?
7. La carcasse. This witch has the most badass transport for sure. Can you pay her automobills? Thought not.
6. Aoife. Ugh I hate this witch but I have to admit she’s pretty badass. A proper wicked stepmother – her sister married Lir, had four children and died, so she married him and turned the children into swans. Most dangerously in love.
5. Malle Babbe, The Witch of Haarlem. She been drinkin’.
4. Professor McGonagall. Keeps her head in them books, she’s sharp.
3. Circe, again: best interior. In her penthouse half-naked; she cooked this meal for you naked.
See also: Circe Invidiosa. Circe and Scylla liked the same guy, so Circe turned Scylla into a hideous tentacled sea monster. Ring the alarm, she been through this too long, and she be damned if she see another chick on your arm.
2. Baba Yaga. The female version of a hustler; flies around the woods in a mortar, carrying / steering with? a pestle. Her house has the legs of a chicken. Also she has iron grills and will chew you up. Takes it to another level, no passengers on her plane (mortar).
1. Dulle Griet. Led an all-female peasant army in a raid on hell*, and has a medieval >SUPERGUN< named after her. Flawless; woke up like this.
Others who didn’t make the top ten but might still release a catchy gospel hit featuring the actual winners: bad witches lightbox